In past years, I've felt a big sense of let-down after Christmas. Once the present-making and giving is done, and the fun of Christmas day is reduced to just one big mess of paper and more "stuff" that I have to find a home for in my home ... I've felt sad and depressed each time.
This year felt a bit different. There was less frenzy leading up to the big day. We didn't do everything on my list - we didn't even put out all our decorations. In some ways I was sad to never get around to having the kids make wreaths - but in other ways it was a relief to just do what we had time for and not to whip myself along at a frenzied pace.
And our Christmas day wasn't perfect either. I got a terrible sore throat and had to send my husband out for zinc throat lozenges. Carbon didn't get a single toy - just clothes and practical-type stuff - and he got cranky and was rude when he opened a hoodie sweatshirt from his grandma. I had to pause gift-opening and take him to the side and give him a talking to, and lecturing your child about gratitude in the hallway while he cries about not getting what he really wanted puts a downer on Christmas.
But, strangely, I'm not feeling a let-down after the fact. Things weren't perfect. I didn't create a "magical" holiday for my family and kids. There were disappointments, even tears, about how the holiday worked out. And yet I'm OK. I did the best I could, and we're just moving on from here.
This week post-Christmas has been lovely. We've just been hanging out, resting, taking it easy. Carbon and I had a good talk and I promised to buy him a toy if he ended up not getting one at all (we still have one more gift exchange at my dad's house left to go). His grandma took him to return the hoodie and bought him a toy robot instead. My sore-throat turned into a head cold, and I spent nights sleeping in a chair with a humidifier while my husband brought home spicy carry-out food for me. We didn't really get anything major done at all.
And the seed catalogs have started to arrive. And there are plans to be made for 2013. And it's all going to be OK - maybe not perfect, but OK.
It is so hard to manage expectations, especially with kids. I always have to remind myself that the magic is in being together, not all projects I wish I could get done. Unfortunately, the larger society doesn't always see it that way!!
ReplyDeleteI also just got my seed catalogues! I am super excited. Although, again, I will dream MUCH larger then I will actually accomplish ;-)!!