Thursday, December 13, 2012
In the Bleak MidWinter
OK, honestly things are pretty rough right now. Work is hard, people are hurting, and the future is unclear. At home life is messy, my children are super cranky, I fight with my husband too much, money is tight.
It's shaping up to be a bleak winter.
So I need to focus on self-care.
I cannot change the outcome of things at work. All I can do is be present to what will be. It's truly out of my hands, although my presence is not irrelevant. I cannot make it all better, but if I wasn't there it might be worse.
I also cannot make everything perfect at home. My children are cranky. Yep, this too shall pass. I just need to give them my best no matter what. I fight with my husband. Newsflash - marriage isn't perfect and I'm sure we will fight more than a few times in our lives together. When I love myself the best, it seems like he loves me the best too. Money is tight - and the way to get through that is to be tight with my money. And here also, I am best at managing money/resources when I'm at peace with myself.
So it all comes back to me, which is good because it's really the only thing I have any control over. I took time to meet with colleagues yesterday, and to do some holiday preparations. Today I went to the gym and ran my anger and frustration out. A new spiritual practice book arrived in the mail today. I'm starting a mother-daughter Bible study with my mom.
All I can give is my best. Cultivating my best, caring for myself - it's not selfish. It's the best path through these dark times. I also have faith that the sun will come out again, but it's time to turn inward now - it's winter for me.