Saturday, April 28, 2012
The last time I went to see my therapist, she pointed out that in many ways my problems could be described as "poor little rich girl syndrome". This bit of tough love from her did point out a reality to me: I am Blessed, and now what do I do?
I have almost everything I've ever wanted. I have a good relationship, a large extended family network, many friends, a connection to multiple circles of loving community, I'm healthy, I have two children (a boy and a girl, just like I wanted), I'm living in the town I like best, on a few acres in a home that is almost everything I imagined in a dream home, working my dream job, driving my preferred car, with my chosen pets, and the homeschooling lifestyle I desired.
Now what do I do? I have so much, and sometimes it feels like I can't keep up with it all.
Can you have your cake and eat it too? What if you are actually given three cakes? At what point is life just too good?
What I'm short on now, is the blessing of Time. But even that is all relative. If I take one thing at a time, and accept less than ideal or perfect all the time, there is Enough Time for it all.
Now I need to feel like I deserve this, and let myself Be. As long as I continue to beat myself up to Be Better, to Earn It, then I have problems. I want to accept and celebrate and feel gratitude for my blessings. I've been lucky, and it's OK. At some point, I have to stop Proving Myself Worthy.
We weren't born needing to earn the privilege of happiness. Life is not a test to be taken, so that we can earn the best grade.
Life is Good. Amen, and Blessed Be.