Connecting with each of my children

Here is a scenario most parents should be familiar with:

Mom says "how was your day/what did you do today in class/yo dude- wazzup?"

Child says "nothin/ I don't know/ I don't remember."

Mom says "well - how did that presentation/test/field trip go?"

Child replies "it was OK."

It's enough to make a parent wring their child's neck or resort to "enhanced interrogation".

It takes a lot of time before kids open up and tell you what is really on their minds. And the setting has to be just right - few distractions, one-on-one time, something else to look at or do while they talk - it's a tricky blend to get in the hustle and bustle of life with multiple children.

And so I am very thankful for an unexpected benefit of my divided schedule with the kids in two different schools this year. Sure, it means I'm having to run all over town everyday, but I get one-on-one, relaxed time with each of my children almost everyday.

After we drop Carbon off at school each morning, Hypatia and I head over to my office at church. She hangs out with me all morning, and then if we haven't packed a lunch we have a lunch date together. These lunch dates at restaurants have given me time to have many deep discussions with her, and hear about her hopes and dreams and about her frustrations and worries. We've had some great conversations.

Then I take her to preschool and go back to work for a couple hours by myself, or have some unencumbered time to run an errand or have a quick pastoral care or otherwise sensitive meeting I shouldn't have my kid along for. Then it's back to pick Carbon up from school, and once again I have one-on-one time with a child. With him, I head over to the Children's Museum and we will frequently buy an ice cream and sit together for the half-hour before Hypatia's class gets out. It gives me a chance to hear how his day was at school, as he slowing and gradually opens up and mentions things. And sometimes we play in the museum together, or sometimes I just read a book while he plays videogames next to me - no matter how we fill that half-hour it still gives him a chance to share what's going on with him while I'm there for him and not distracted by his sister or something else.

This structure to our days is actually very valuable and lovely. Sure, it's a pain to have to make extra trips across town. And my carbon-footprint isn't looking as good as it could. But it is showing me the value of the one-on-one time, the value of time "wasted" while you just wait for one or another activity to end. Somehow, I want to hold onto this kind of time next year when both kids are in the same school.