Dirt - common denominator for us all?

With our brand-new, clean and good smelling car on one of its very first trips doing duty as the family-wagon, my husband suggested that maybe for this car we should have a "no eating in it" rule. This, fairly mild, suggestion upset me so much that when we got home I tore apart the sofa and vacuumed it and set to scrubbing small stains out of the slipcover.

I have some baggage, shall we say?

So I quite enjoyed reading Dirt: The Quirks, Habits, and Passions of Keeping House. This collection of essays brings all kinds of voices (male, female, single, divorced, married, parents, children, rich, poor, gay, straight, asian, black, and white) to the discussion of how and why we clean, or don't clean, our personal spaces. I was touched by the raw vulnerability so many of the writers displayed, and reassured that I am definitely not alone.

Perhaps this most mundane of issues - the toothpaste dried on the sink, the dirt tracked in on our shoes - is really the common denominator of our human lives. And the issue is connected with our family stories, our relationships, our power-struggles, our relative levels of privilege in life - it carries a lot of baggage with it.

Take a break from cleaning house, and read this book instead!

refashioned clothing

I just made this shirt dress for the girl from a cast-off shirt of my husband's (it was stained). I sort of used the directions from this tutorial at Make it and Love It. I was going to make belt loops and a tie from the last of the shirt fabric, but she wanted a colorful belt and picked this purple stuff out from my fabric stash.

A Recommitment to Myself - or "get thyself to the gym!"

Since my big trip this summer, I have completely dropped most of my healthy habits of personal care. I'm not taking my supplements, I'm not juicing, I'm not going to the gym - and I've even been spotty about my morning yoga.

So, summer is really just about over - the kids go back to school next week - and it is time to restart some routines. I went to the gym this morning and, tellingly, I couldn't find my gym shoes anywhere. I finally located them, buried in the back of my closet under a backpack and a pair of sandals, and that pile up perfectly reflects the skew in my priorities that summer brought about. But I'm not beating myself up about it; it's perfectly fine and healthy to live seasonally and gather the sun while we have it as long as we readjust once summer is over.

I recommit to:

1. Take my supplement pills everyday.

2. Start each day off with a tall glass of either water or fresh juice.

3. Do at least ten minutes of yoga each morning.

4. Always go to the gym on Mondays, and try to go three more times during the week.

5. Keep my packed gym bag ready to go by the front door.

6. Have more impromptu Dance Parties with the kids.

I'm also inspired and supported by this list from the Happiness Project.

My brother's wedding

It wasn't really "her" day, but you couldn't have convinced Hypatia of that. Being the flower girl "felt like being a princess", and she thoroughly enjoyed the day.

Unrealistically cool school representations

This morning my kids and I watched an episode of Sid the Science Kid as we were eating our breakfast. I don't generally watch this show, but they have watched it a few times. The premise is that Sid wants to learn about Everything! The perfect student. And his mother is very supportive of whatever he wakes up wanting to know that day. The perfect parent. And she takes him to school, where he plans on exploring that topic that day. And he has three friends at school (the class size is very small), and a cheerful and fun teacher who comes out and teaches him exactly what he wanted to learn that day.

The perfect school.

And it's so unrealistic.

Carbon goes to a tiny, alternative school. But even his school is not this cool. As he pointed out - "he doesn't even have to tell the teacher what he wants to learn - she's already got it all set up!".

A psychic teacher, a class size of four children, and all the learning resources you can imagine. Wouldn't that be nice.

Fashion Victim

I bought these recently - I don't even quite know why. They weren't even on sale, and I didn't even really like them that much. I've worn them twice - once because they were my new shoes, and once more because I felt guilty for not wearing them.

I am not much of a Fashion Victim, but in many ways we all are a little bit. In Michelle Lee's book Fashion Victim , she identifies many victims of our current take on fashion: the sweat shop workers, the environment itself for the petroleum products and the bulging landfills, the animals for the leather and fur and wool and silk, the designers whose creativity is stolen by knock-off artists, the regional cultures that are homogenized, and the individuals who never develop their own style and who feel inferior and lacking all the time.

It was interesting timing to pick up this book right now, because I came back from my trip to Europe with a deep sense of dissatisfaction with my general style - a regionally accepted look of jeans, sneakers, hoodie sweatshirts, and fleece vests. In so many cities in Romania and Hungary I saw women who looked like they had made an effort with themselves - a scarf or other accessories - and they looked so happy and confident. I came home and tried to add a bit more effort and a few more accessories to my look.

This effort has been fun - I feel more confident and happier when I'm trying to look my best, and I just flat out enjoy some things like the feel of dangly earrings. It turns out I already own lots of things like scarves and earrings, but I just have to choose each and every morning whether or not to make the effort.

I think I can have a style makeover without shopping, without looking at current fashion trends, and without buying into the whole fashion victim mentality. What do I feel good wearing? What combinations can I make with the clothing I already own? If I am going to buy something, does it go with the things I have? Is it an item I will want to wear next year? You know - when everyone else is onto another trend and now I'll be all on my own in last year's styles?

So those shoes are going to Goodwill. My new rule when shopping - that item I'm buying needs to make my heart sing. I need to love it, or I shouldn't buy it. Because I want to love all my clothing, and have fun getting dressed in the morning.

a bit of navel gazing

I'm deep in a period of self-reflection, and trying to process some "stuff". Part of my process involves reading self-help books, although these books, like parenting books, can also just drive you crazy with too many instructions and not enough wisdom.

But, along these lines, I just read Pleasers: Why Women Don't Have to Make Everyone Happy to Be Happy. There were two bits of wisdom in the book that I plan to hold onto:

1. The Little Girl You Once Were Is Still Inside You

2. A Positive Pleaser is a person who pleases and is nice, but for all the right reasons


The little girl I once was still has a lot of angst, pain, and is striving for some fairly childish things - like approval from Daddy. But that will always be a part of me, so I just have to learn how to parent that little girl. My adult self doesn't need to let her control me, but can rather work through it.

The other part is about being a pleaser - or a person who is programmed to seek to please others. I like the point the author raises, that there is nothing wrong with being pleasing. The world would be a better place if more people tried to be nice and pleasing to others. But there are many ways that pleasing isn't actually good for the pleaser or the people being pleased.

When my husband wants to go out, and I say Yes even though I want him to stay home with me, but then I am actually upset when he goes - it doesn't do him any real favors.

When we are choosing a major purchase, and I don't assert myself during the process, I end up with something that I may not want as much. But it's me that has to live with it, usually.

When I do too much for others that they could do for themselves, I keep them dependent and immature.

I will not martyr myself. I will say what I want. And I will try to feel neither guilt nor resentment. I will be a Positive Pleaser.