How you spend your time is how you spend your life. It seems obvious on the face of it, because we only have this one wild and precious life to live, but somehow I think most people manage to hurry through life without stopping to think about that.
How you live your life day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute --- that is your life.
This is really hitting me in the face right now because we've had a geological scale shift in our lives (a temporary one but still huge), as I have gone on a 3 month Sabbatical from work and so I'm home full-time this month. Suddenly, I don't have the schedule and the weekly due dates of my job, and instead I have a list of projects and studies that I've been wanting the time to do, but they are all Big And Have No Deadlines. Last week I finished up the last few loose ends from work, and then just ... sort of floundered.
I'm not comfortable not being Busy. It feels weird.
This week I'm settling in to it and recognizing it as a chance to look at how I and my family are spending our lives. Is this the routine, the space, the schedule, the practice, or the organization that helps us live the life we want to live? What is truly important and what is just a bad habit of busyness? Why does it feel guilt-inducing to spend a rainy afternoon listening to music and reading, curled up under an afghan? No matter how much I put on my To Do list, if I finish it I just look around for more work to do, instead of claiming my time as my own.
Am I scared to live my life for myself? Am I afraid that I won't be a "useful little engine" and get a brief word of praise from Sir Topham Hat? Or is it that in our society we seem to take pride in being "terribly busy"? Others will disapprove if I'm not running just as crazed and tired as they are, but is that a reason to stay in the rat race?
This seems to be Step One of my sabbatical:
1. Spend time with myself. Get to know myself without the rushing.
After that, we'll see where Step Two takes me.
Linky Love, to a few posts that have resonated with me this week and been part of my thinking process here:
Paradigm Shift: Curriculum is Not Something You Buy by Simple Homeschool
Overscheduling, Outliers, and the Olympics by The Happiest Home
Secrets of Adulthood: Schedule Time to be Unscheduled by The Happiness Project
Treat Yourself to These Luxuries of Simplicity by Home Your Way